2004-08-03
The other day at the playground I spent a while chatting with the mother of a 21-month daughter. All the mother did was insult her kid! After the initial "How old is yours?" exchange, she said, "She doesn't walk very well." She was walking fine and the mother said she'd walked from their house four blocks away.
Then she called the girl "shy" in a particularly ridiculing way. And when the girl started talking a bit--single words like "tree" and "dog"--the mother kind of mocked her and compared her to Clay (30 months and a real chatterbox). She said, "She is still young and silly, not grown up like yours." I said I hoped that Clay would remain silly for a long time, that he has the rest of his life to be serious.
The mother was very articulate and actually funny in her way, muttering derisive little asides for my benefit. She said the little girl's father stays home with her; I pegged the mother as an academic (the playground was near the university). It was an odd experience for me because I often think it would be nice to meet some--for lack of a better way to put it--intellectual mothers who live near me. And I got the sense that this woman was lonely and could use a friend. But the way she treated her daughter was hard to witness.
I sometimes have trouble relating to other mothers because I have a pretty low-key, dry style. I have one acquaintance who's constantly gushing "Good job!! Good sharing!! Good playing!!" to her kid and I can't even be around them, it's so inane and intrusive. But this woman I met yesterday--well, she acted as though her child was some kind of loser. The girl was very cute and seemed on track developmentally (not that the mother's behavior would be justified otherwise).
Maybe she was having a rough day but I didn't get that sense. The little girl seemed happy enough--maybe she gets nurtured and encouraged by her father.
The mother is from Russia. Perhaps there are cultural differences I don't know about--like a belief that it's a cold, hard world and you need to toughen your kids up by belittling them??? Anyway, if I run into her again, I will certainly talk to her because she does intrigue me.
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