2002-06-24
For any of you considering single parenthood, I have a suggestion: Don't get yourself three high-maintenance dogs.
B was out of town last week. Yes, ordinarily I am jet set and he's stay home with pets set, but a punk band he was in 20 years ago was playing a couple of reunion-type shows at CBGBs, necessitating several days rehearsing. This idea first came up before C was born, and B thought he shouldn't go because it would mean leaving me alone with everything. I encouraged him to do it, though, and it's cool that he did, but keeping things running on the home front was a little more challenging than I'd anticipated. Ah, well, nothing like a little interlude like that to make me appreciate ordinary life even more than I already do.
Because it was just me, I dropped C off at day care each morning. Ordinarily B drops off and I pick up; I have to say, I get the good end of that deal. B hasn't expressed anguish at leaving him there, and okay, anguish is a little strong, but it was hard for me. And this is a good daycare, and C never cried or anything when we got there.
I've also been reading some parenting books lately that have done a number on me. I'm reading along, everything's making sense, fascinating insights, then I turn the page and suddenly I learn that because I work fulltime and send the child to daycare I am a monster.
Is guilt the thinking parent's constant companion? I don't know. Might be.
There are obviously tomes to write on this topic, shelves of books already written, many of which are on my nightstand at the moment. When Mothers Work. The Working Mother's Guilt Guide. You get the idea. Maybe I'll write more about this here, a long entry where I try to hash out some of what's been sloshing around in my mind lately. But the bottom line, in case you were wondering: I'm not immune to this stuff.
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