2001-12-23
Today we strung tiny white lights along the top railing of the deck. It's very festive.
No baby yet. It's weird to keep having to deliver negative news. I called my father this morning. His galpal answered and said "We had a feeling it was you!" My father picked up the other extension and said "Mazel tov!" And I had to say, "Do you know something I don't?"
I slept well last night, from one to nine with breaks only to use the bathroom (no wandering the dark house). Then this afternoon I felt the need to nap and slept another two hours. I can't help wondering if my body is resting up, preparing for the ordeal ahead.
Oh, who knows? In some ways it's starting to feel less likely, going into labor. You know how you're so geared up for something to happen and then it doesn't and then you just sort of start retracting yourself from it? Or maybe that's just me and my idiosyncratic way of coping with disappointment. It doesn't make any rational sense in this case, but who needs rational sense? I guess what I'm saying is that for a while there it all seemed very vivid, I could imagine going to the hospital and all that. Now, not so much.
I've been home all day, doing nothing special besides reading. (The Corrections is still dynamite.) Made dinner. Napped. Talked on the phone a bit. Not sure where the hours went, don't so much care. When I finish this I'll take a shower and read some more. How I love being in the middle of a good book; it ratchets up my quality of life severalfold.
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