2003-08-07
Things are better. I'm figuring out some stuff about myself, about the ways my old coping mechanisms are becoming obsolete. I had an epiphany that I will no doubt need to have many more times before it really sinks in, but I am actually coming to understand why I behave in the seemingly irrational--okay, insane--way that I do. And that understanding makes a difference, it allows me to see light at the end of the tunnel.
(I know, I'm being oblique. Sorry. Maybe I will say more another time.)
Do I have my shrink to thank for this? I don't know. I certainly don't think that seeing him has hurt.
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I've decided to take a year-long course at a psychoanalytic study center around here. Well, I applied and one of my friends who's familiar with it, who recommended I take it, thinks I will be accepted. It's mostly for therapists but they let some non-therapists in as well. I have pretty high hopes, especially because it's on the expensive side. It meets one evening a week. We'll see.
Do I want to become a therapist? I don't know. Part of my motivation in taking this course is to explore that question.
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There was something about Clay I wanted to write down but it escapes me now. Yesterday he was in a wonderful mood, so cheerful and funny. Do all 19-month-olds laugh so much?
His sense of humor tends toward the silly, which is, I suppose, unsurprising considering that he is essentially pre-verbal. I, as you've probably noticed, am fairly dry and B is perhaps more so; it will be interesting to see how Clay turns out.
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I got contact lenses yesterday. Clay had bent my old glasses thoroughly out of shape and there were no new frames that B and I both liked so I figured I'd give contacts a try. It's been eight years or so since I last wore them; I had forgotten what I looked like without glasses. (And, of course, I've aged a bit during the interim.) It's hard to get used to not having something on my face all the time. Nice, though.
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