2001-12-06
Beulah the Doula called tonight. God, she is fucking irritating. She started in on trying to prepare me for less than ideal outcomes--labor can stall even if I'm doing everything right. Yes, I'm well aware of this. Then she got onto the topic of pushing; the doctor will try to get me to push even if I'm not feeling the urge to do so.
At this point I got angry. "Have you been listening to me when I've told you I specifically chose a family practice who follow a midwifery model? You keep giving me this standard spiel about doctors as though I'm going to typical OBs who have no experience with natural births." She said she realized that but wanted to prepare me for the worst. I said I was aware that I might get a nurse who doesn't get it, and that things may well turn out to be adversarial in the way she's describing, but that I would feel much better if she acknowledged that these situations are less likely given the providers I've very carefully chosen.
Then she asked whether B or I are in the technical field. Yes, I said, we both are, why did she ask. She said that our behavior in the prenatal visit was very unusual, that couples exhibit either excitement or anxiety but we showed neither, we were emotionally flat and she couldn't read us at all. And she was discussing this with a colleague who reminded her that she'd seen one other couple who behaved in similar fashion and they were both technical. "It's not a bad thing," she said, "it's just different. And they had tears of joy when the baby was born."
I considered telling her that we were both irritated with her for her inconsiderateness at being an hour late, though I decided not to. I did say that B and I are both fairly private people, not in the habit of revealing our emotions to people we barely know. This had never occurred to her. "Oh," she said. "Maybe that's how the other couple was, too." (As B pointed out, a lot of people in these alternative helping professions turn out not to be particularly bright.)
This is so insane! This mindset that we should be opening up to her. We've hired her to perform a service, not to be our friend. If we were to hit it off, great, but for her to expect that we'd be treating her like some kind of trusted friend right off the bat seems ludicrous to me.
I'm still wondering if we should fire her. B is still thinking that it might be worthwhile to have her there and see whether she's any help and then to send her away if she's not. I'm (characteristically) motivated by my cheapskate ways--if we fire her now, we don't have to pay beyond the deposit we've already given her, but if she comes to the hospital, I think we'd have to pay in full. So, I don't know. We'll think about it, I guess. I don't give a shit what she thinks of me, but B can imagine feeling self-conscious, judged by her. Not exactly traits you want in a person whose job is labor support.
In other news, today I shopped like a maniac. The usual food shopping, stocking up a bit more than usual in anticipation of the possibility of going into labor. I came home utterly exhausted. Read for a little while, got into the hot tub, had some snacks in lieu of a real dinner (cheese, crackers, fruit, deli roast beef, pita and baba ganoujh). Then B and I watched the first two episodes of The Sopranos on DVD (being HBO-less, this was our first exposure).
Big day planned for tomorrow: going to the old house, cleaning and getting all B's tools out. I believe the place is officially on the market. Now it's bedtime.
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