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2000-05-16

Two things I'm ordinarily very good at: detaching from work and sleeping. Clearly, yesterday was no ordinary day.

For better or worse, my employment for the past eleven or so years, since I left teaching, hasn't been emotionally involving. Much more job than career, I show up as late as possible, do what needs to be done, leave as early as possible. I used to joke that I never thought about work once I went home and on good days I didn't even think about it while I was there (my previous job underutilized me to a shocking degree).

In that job as in this one, of course, annoyances arise. I've gotten angry and occasionally confronted the individuals involved but I generally keep a strong sense of perspective on what does and doesn't matter, with almost all work-related stuff falling squarely into the second category.

I just realized that the reason I can be so detached is that my work has essentially centered around paper rather than people. My first post-teaching job was as a research assistant to a woman who has since become a good friend. She taught me a great deal, including the idea that crises involving paper are inherently less important than those involving people. (I suppose it's time to update this, replacing paper with pixels.)

So I rarely internalize the shit that goes down at work except that yesterday I did (no hormonal explanations, either). A fairly minor slight left me seething all afternoon. When B and I met up at the house in the evening I snapped at him to such a degree that he stormed off to the hardware store -- where he was headed before I snapped -- without the usual "I love you." (I'm sure my having eaten less lunch than usual exacerbated the situation; I get cranky when hungry.)

He returned from the store smiling and we both laughed and I apologized for being a little irritable (B: "A little?! A little?!"). We ate dinner and watched one of our backlog of taped Seinfeld episodes and I read for a while and all was right with the world and I fell asleep easily as is my wont.

And at 2:30 I awoke thinking about that fucking work incident! I lay in bed until 3:30 when I got up and answered some email for an hour. At 4:30 I returned to bed where I lay awake until 5:30.

This almost never happens to me. I fall asleep easily and I stay asleep. I am a laughably heavy sleeper, all manner of commotion can occur around me as I snooze undisturbed.

So today's been a little weird. I did speak with the person who set me off yesterday. My approach was oblique but I think I managed to convey that I took issue with the way he'd handled things. Which, under the circumstances, feels like enough.

But I feel decidedly off, as does this entry. Ah, well.

*

And finally, apropos of nothing... Do you ever misread something repeatedly? The restrooms at work are stocked with boxes of facial tissues of the brand name Surpass. I can't see these boxes without seeing Sourpuss.

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