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2000-05-16 Two things I'm ordinarily very good at: detaching from work and sleeping. Clearly, yesterday was no ordinary day. For better or worse, my employment for the past eleven or so years, since I left teaching, hasn't been emotionally involving. Much more job than career, I show up as late as possible, do what needs to be done, leave as early as possible. I used to joke that I never thought about work once I went home and on good days I didn't even think about it while I was there (my previous job underutilized me to a shocking degree). In that job as in this one, of course, annoyances arise. I've gotten angry and occasionally confronted the individuals involved but I generally keep a strong sense of perspective on what does and doesn't matter, with almost all work-related stuff falling squarely into the second category. I just realized that the reason I can be so detached is that my work has essentially centered around paper rather than people. My first post-teaching job was as a research assistant to a woman who has since become a good friend. She taught me a great deal, including the idea that crises involving paper are inherently less important than those involving people. (I suppose it's time to update this, replacing paper with pixels.) So I rarely internalize the shit that goes down at work except that yesterday I did (no hormonal explanations, either). A fairly minor slight left me seething all afternoon. When B and I met up at the house in the evening I snapped at him to such a degree that he stormed off to the hardware store -- where he was headed before I snapped -- without the usual "I love you." (I'm sure my having eaten less lunch than usual exacerbated the situation; I get cranky when hungry.) He returned from the store smiling and we both laughed and I apologized for being a little irritable (B: "A little?! A little?!"). We ate dinner and watched one of our backlog of taped Seinfeld episodes and I read for a while and all was right with the world and I fell asleep easily as is my wont. And at 2:30 I awoke thinking about that fucking work incident! I lay in bed until 3:30 when I got up and answered some email for an hour. At 4:30 I returned to bed where I lay awake until 5:30. This almost never happens to me. I fall asleep easily and I stay asleep. I am a laughably heavy sleeper, all manner of commotion can occur around me as I snooze undisturbed. So today's been a little weird. I did speak with the person who set me off yesterday. My approach was oblique but I think I managed to convey that I took issue with the way he'd handled things. Which, under the circumstances, feels like enough. But I feel decidedly off, as does this entry. Ah, well. And finally, apropos of nothing... Do you ever misread something repeatedly? The restrooms at work are stocked with boxes of facial tissues of the brand name Surpass. I can't see these boxes without seeing Sourpuss. � � |