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2000-08-07

Gosh, I really have gotten out of the habit of writing here. Partly because I've been preoccupied with book stuff which I not only don't want to discuss here but am thoroughly sick of discussing with anyone.

Something that's been on my mind lately is kindness. When I was visiting my friend outside of New York, I met a couple in the publishing business. We discovered someone we've both had dealings with, a fairly well-known writer and editor. They asked how my experience with this woman had been; I said it had been excellent. They said, "Everyone likes her, she has no enemies. She's a thoroughly kind person."

This has stuck with me, and I've reflected that I aspire to be the sort of person about whom such things are said. I hasten to add that this woman is no one's idea of a pushover, that she is highly principled. And the ideal I aspire toward is not one that never disappoints people or disagrees with them, but rather embodies respect, courtesy, professionalism.

Maybe this all goes without saying, but I'm saying it anyway.

And what else is new? I'm a weird state these days. Kind of suspended. I expect this phase to end soon. I don't think I've been very good company lately, and I'm pretty sure my husband would agree.

Speaking of being married, I still can't believe that I am. My friend I visited has never been married, though most of her friends have been for some time. She said something, I don't remember the exact phrasing, but the gist was that even though I'm married she can still relate to me, or trusts that I can still relate to her. I think I felt so single for so long that I still identify as a bachelorette, actual circumstances to the contrary. Maybe I'll get used to it or maybe this will last forever. It's not bad or good, it just is.

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