2001-09-18
Well. It's hard to know what to say with all that's been going on. I've felt kind of detached from the world events. Not entirely, I've been watching and listening and reading, but I feel an emotional detachment that I partly attribute to this baby growing inside me. I know, pregnant women tend to be more emotional than usual. I guess I feel a protective instinct, an impulse to draw inward and not get too freaked out, for my own sake and for that of the kid.
Last Thursday night my pregnancy group met. We made "dream catchers"--those hippie items where a hoop of willow surrounds a web of knotted twine, decorated with feathers and beads--for our babies and generally had a fun, chatty time. We didn't talk much about the world events--it was a welcome respite that just felt right.
One woman from our group whose baby was born four weeks previously brought him along. You understand that I have had precious little experience with infants, let alone newborns. I looked on him with the kind of curiosity I'd feel for--what? a strange animal, I guess. She asked if I wanted to hold him. I did, I held him for quite some time. It wasn't bad. It was kind of nice. He was very small and pretty quiet. At one point, I said, "Something is coming out of his mouth." Turned out he was spitting up, something I have read about.
I'm generally optimistic that once our little guy makes his debut we'll figure out what to do with him. Still, it reassured me to have this experience. He was a mellow baby, this one. I hope ours is. B and I are both reticent types, though I know that's no guarantee.
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I'm very grateful that I don't have to make any decisions about how our government should handle the attacks of last week. I don't know how I feel or what I believe. I do know that the well-meaning emails I've received that mention prayer and Ghandi and the visualization of peace and the like strike me as woefully inadequate.
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The uncertainty of the world and of the economy is causing us some concern about this move. Will anyone want to buy our house? Will it remain on the market for months and months, draining our savings? I remind myself it is just money. Still, it's scary. B and I both work in the technology field; who knows what's in store for us? Though as he wisely pointed out, if one of us is out of work, at least we won't have to worry about paying for daycare.
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Last night was lovely and cool so instead of clearing the treadmill of boxes of clothing, I leashed the dogs and went out for a walk. On my way home, I ran into a woman who lives about six houses down. I'd never met her before, but a neighbor in between told me she'd recently given birth to a baby so I've been curious about her. We introduced ourselves--she'd heard about me, too--and stood talking for a while, as I held the dogs and she held the baby. She was very friendly and chatty and it made me a bit sad that we'll be moving away.
However, B had an interesting conversation with the husband half of the couple from whom we're buying our new house. There are a total of three houses for sale on our section of the farm, all of which back onto the lake. We're in the middle and the other two are being bought by two related groups--a woman and her father on one side, and the woman's daughter and son-in-law on the other. The seller told B that the couple was "very nice" and are expecting a baby around the same time that we are.
Now, we've learned to take everything this man says with a grain of salt, but we did perk up a bit hearing of this possiblity. It's strange to imagine. Will we get along? I guess we already have something in common, choosing to live in this relatively remote spot. Though I try to keep it in check, I can't help but fantasize that they will become our friends.
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I'm definitely growing larger. I've gained about 25 pounds so far. I feel okay about that, though I suppose I'd feel better if it were a little less. I saw my doctor last week and took a glucose test. You drink a Dixie cup of syrupy orange soda (which was far less disgusting than my reading had led me to expect) then an hour later they draw blood and the glucose levels tell them whether you're at risk for gestational diabetes. I was mildly concerned because I've been eating many more sweets and starches than I ever did pre-pregnancy, but it turns out I was nowhere near the level where they bring you back for a more conclusive test. A relief. To celebrate, I ate a piece of chocolate babka.
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