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2003-10-15

I'm seriously considering firing my shrink and picking up with my old one. (This would mean paying out of pocket--probably $60 per session vs. the $15 copay I currently have. For a tightwad such as I, this is not insignificant.)

B says that I talk about my old shrink the way someone talks about an old boyfriend and maybe I should just go ahead and sleep with her a couple times to see whether it's as great as I remember. So I'm considering that.

She is so smart, so funny and tough. And she has the greatest shoes. Don't I deserve a cool Jewish shrink? Why am I wasting my time with this WASPy midwestern guy who looks like John Cleese? I mean, he's nice enough, he's reasonably bright.

He doesn't push me. And I can be a real lazybones. Not always--I mean, I did manage to write one and a half novels, I've exercised several times a week for about fifteen years now, I eat a minimal amount of processed food. But I'm certainly good at avoiding work.

And the old shrink--her name is Erica--really made me work. This other guy doesn't. Even after I've asked him to, after I've said, You let me get away with too much.

But there's a part of me that questions my motives, thinks that maybe it's important for me to work through this, work with this. That there are lessons to be learned here and I'd be cheating myself by switching now. Because this guy isn't a slouch. In fact, he and Erica have worked together--she endorses him. B's shrink said this guy is good. And he's not bad.

He's just not Erica.

But, you know, it's been eight years since I last saw her, years during which I've certainly changed. And memory, of course, can be selective. So it's possible that Erica isn't even Erica anymore. But maybe she is, and maybe I should just sleep with her a couple of times.

*

Meanwhile, take a look at this fairly recent shot of Clay.

I have never once caught myself wondering whether there's a cooler kid out there.

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