2002-03-18
I return to work three weeks from today. I'm fairly ready. I mean, given that I am returning to work, I'm kind of eager to just go ahead and do it. I expect a serious adjustment period, even given that my first two weeks at work will be half-time.
My plan is to continue nursing the baby when we're together and to express milk at work for him to drink from bottles while he is with B in the morning and at day care during the day. I'm mildly obsessed with the goal that he never ingest a drop of formula.
It feels analogous to my desire to avoid medication in labor--it's a goal, a personal goal, to which I feel committed but which I hope I'll be able to relinquish should the situation warrant. I don't want to put down or judge those who make different choices, and I don't want to be so rigid that I'll feel like a failure if it doesn't work out. But I do want to make it happen, assuming my body will cooperate.
So far, it seems that it will. My tendency is to produce an overabundance of milk, which can cause its own set of problems, albeit more easily managed ones than those associated with a low supply. The low supply seems particularly problematic when the mother is separated from the baby for big chunks of time, as I will be.
So, things are looking pretty promising. I haven't had any problems pumping and Clay hasn't had any problems taking the occasional bottle. I have my own office at work with a door that locks and no windows (what was formerly a curse is now a blessing, though I wouldn't mind a window with blinds). I also have plenty of flexibility as to my schedule. It really doesn't get much easier than I have it; I'm very lucky.
Overall, I've been enjoying nursing. I wouldn't say it's a deep spiritual experience, but it strikes me as extremely cool to watch this child grow--he's getting these adorable plump thighs lately--nourished only by my body. I know, we're mammals, that's how it works, but I don't have much experience with nursing kittens or puppies or farm animals (or humans, for that matter) so it still feels exotic to me.
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