2004-06-25
Last week Clay only went to daycare one day because of being sick and otherwise hung out with B and/or me. The adjustment back to full-time separation this week was rough on him (and us); we heard a lot of "No school! Want to stay home with Daddy!" in the mornings.
Then I happened across one of the ubiquitous pieces of journalism suggesting that "If you're going to have children, stay home with them!" against which I usually manage to blinker myself fairly effectively. And the next thing you know I'm doing Google searches for "daycare guilt."
But then the tide seemed to turn. I wrote the following email to a friend:
I feel much better today. For one thing, B told me dropoff went fine yesterday (other mornings this week Clay had been choking back tears when B left--how awful!). And then we all had a nice evening together. I definitely don't think I'm cut out to be home with the kid(s) all day and it is not an option financially so I don't know why I torture myself. Nor do I necessarily think it's best for the kid. I guess my ideal would be something a little less extreme, though, like maybe having Clay in daycare six hours a day instead of eight or nine. I do consider shortening my work hours at some point. He'd also be there less if we didn't live so far away from everything.
[friend had said daycare teaches them that they are not the center of the universe--a good thing once they're walking and talking--and that from her perspective Clay seems to be doing great]
Thanks! He does seem to do a good job of sharing his toys and stuff compared to the kids I know who haven't been in daycare. And he gets a bit of center-of-universe treatment when it's just the family, though we try not to indulge him too much.
And I think we're lucky because his daycare really promotes kind and gentle behavior. I was reading about people's kids picking up all kids of unpleasant behavior at daycare and I realized that's never even crossed my mind--the director at the place Clay goes sets a nice, peaceful tone and the kids all follow along. We visited another place a few months ago thinking we might switch Clay. The teachers were hip and articulate (easier for me to personally relate to than his current teachers) but it was very chaotic, the kids given too much freedom, we thought, and it did not feel especially safe physically or emotionally. Plus, the kids seemed to have much shorter attention spans than Clay, even the ones who were older than he.
So, you know, I struggle. It's always something. I think it's the nature of being a (relatively privileged) parent at this moment in history.
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