2001-06-21
From an email to a friend:
Have I told you about this "friendship circle" of pregnant women that I joined? We've met twice so far. They are all these very nice, earnest new-age types, about half of them doing homebirth, all into the alternative way of doing things. Which is cool, because I am, too, but they make me feel very conventional by comparison. You know, because I don't mention THE GODDESS in every third sentence. Last night we met and I realized what's weird about them: they never make jokes! They are 100% sincere and earnest. But I make jokes and they laugh, so it's okay, I guess.
Last night this woman was handing out a sheet she'd xeroxed for everyone of affirmations to say to your baby. (I said, "You mean like 'You'll never amount to anything?' and thankfully they all laughed.) But these affirmations are so hokey! One of them is actually "I love you." Like, who needs to be told this stuff???? But I'm keeping an open mind and being myself--it's pretty enjoyable and it beats being totally isolated.
These affirmations are really not to be believed. When the woman handed them out, two others began to read and commented that they were going to cry. Well, at least B and I got a good laugh out of them when I got home.
The sheet is divided into sections by age. The ones in the infancy section were mostly benign, if a bit forced:
- We've looked forward to your birth.
- I love the special time we have together.
- I enjoy holding you and rocking you and feeding you.
- You are fun to play with.
- I'm glad you're a boy/girl. (My comment to the group: "This one would be great if you had a hermaphrodite. There's a kid who could really use an affirmation.")
In the toddler section were a couple that I told B I would like for him to say to me. The first was:
- It's okay for you to get dirty and messy.
- You're more important than a clean house.
Also in the toddler section (ages 18 months to 3 years):
- I will not abuse you or hurt you in any way!!! (Yes, three exclamation points.)
- You can't do anything perfectly. (Huh?)
- The problems in the family are not your fault.
- You don't need to try and fix our marriage. (!!!!)
So, you can see what I'm up against in this group.
Earlier in the session the topic of circumcision came up. All of us are generally anti but one woman's Jewish husband isn't so sure. I told her that B is uncircumcised and considers that one of the better decisions his parents made. (And I certainly have no complaints.) Several of the women voiced their envy for both him and me.
We closed the evening by holding hands and voicing spontaneous expressions of gratitude. People were thankful for the sisterhood, the support, the community, and the humor that we'd shared. I was telling B about this, saying that I liked the group but it just felt so forced to me to say anything, so I remained quiet during this part. He said, "You should've said you were grateful for your husband's uncircumcised penis."
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